I’d rather observe the demographic shift than run from it, in part because I don’t think the shift is entirely bad.
L.A.’s criminal underclass has only just realized that the county’s Covid-mandated outdoor dining lends itself well to grab ’n’ go robberies (amazing the revelation didn’t occur earlier, but low IQ leads to terrible R&D). The MO is simple: Case the patrons from the sidewalk—look for purses, watches, wallets on tables. Then just reach over the divider, swipe, and run! We’ve had several such robberies over the past three weeks, the culprits fitting the same racial profile (“extremely not Norwegian”).
Two weeks ago, the restaurant rustlers came to my beloved Beverly Hills. Diners at a posh eatery were having a fine afternoon meal, oblivious to the criminality of their privilege, when three black gentlemen who’d likely walked by earlier (sadly unprofiled) to scan the diners for valuables charged a Hebraic fellow who was wearing a massively expensive watch. They shoved a gun in the guy’s face and began trying to remove the timepiece.
Unfortunately for the Pips, they picked the wrong Shlomo. They probably thought this “Beverly Hills Jew” would be a pushover. But always know your target area’s demographics. Persian and Israeli Jews aren’t nebbishy wimps like Woody Allen and Rob Reiner. They haven’t been raised on a steady diet of cowardice and guilt. For these Jews, “1619” signifies nothing more than a sexual position for a foursome. The Three Duskiteers likely assumed that their mark would respond to the robbery by whining, “Oy, take my watch, you poor oppressed mensches. And take my wallet, too…such a deal!”
But no. The Eilat-born Jew they descended upon Krav Maga’d the living shit out of the thugs, wrestling the gun to the ground where it discharged, ricocheting off the pavement and grazing a nearby diner’s ankle. The Tuskegee Welfaremen panicked and took off like the Three Stooges, leaving their gun behind and knocking over a female pedestrian in their path.
The errant gunshot caused frightened outdoor diners to stampede indoors in defiance of social distancing rules, a testament to the power of diversity to bring people together.
In response to the incident, Beverly Hills Police Chief Dominick Rivetti—you gotta love a chief with a name right out of a 1980s cop show—made it clear that BH is not L.A. “We invest significantly in our police department to ensure our officers have every resource necessary to do their jobs effectively,” he said—no “defunding” in this town. He announced that starting immediately six marked cars and twelve officers on foot would be added to the dining and retail areas, ready to pounce upon “those who make the grave mistake of committing crimes here.” …[ ]